The Rantings of a disillusioned brother....

Tis the ^%$^$^%$^ Season.....

2008-11-30T20:30:00.000-08:00

OK...I'm back with some new rantings from a disillusioned brotha...

As we get nearer and nearer to Christmas I step back and offer these rhetorical questions...feel free to answer them if you want. And if you don't know what rhetorical means....please feel free to exit off my page right about...ummm, now.

1. At what point did we stop getting our happiness from being around family and friends during the season and focus on what we got, what we HAVE to get someone, and who got you what?

2. Do you feel that you are truly demonstrating your love of your little one by having a "last man standing, no-holds barred" street fight in aisle 23 of Wal-Mart for the XBox360?

3. Why do we go out and get a debt inducing gifts for a loved one to make up for our neglecting them the rest of the year? Is that supposed to make all the times you could have picked up the phone and called just to say "hi" but didn't ok?

" Ummm, yeah I know I haven't come by and seen you all year mom/aunt/sister/so-called best friend/insert neglected relative here but ummm...here's a nice gift set from Macys....we cool right? Also, I won't be around much in the next few months cuz I have to work 90 hours a week to pay off these credit card bills..."

4. As we all go thru these holidays, do you really stop to think about those around you that may not have as much as you? Not moneywise, but just friends and family...and if so, how many have you invited to share your Xmas joy with you?

5. Ever notice how the saying "It's the thought that counts" never crosses your mind when you get a low-priced gift? Why is that...were you expecting a fukkin Benz or a vacation to Cancun? Did you forget that the person giving it to you probably works the same kind of dead end job you do and couldn't afford much better? Do they deserve to be relegated to the stack of gifts you keep in the back of the closet and that fake azz "Oh...I love the ...socks.." smile?

6. For those in relationships over 8 months, why does what they get you this ONE DAYUM day matter more than everything else they did, said and got you the rest of the year?

" Yeah girl...he crazy, he beat my butt last week, stole my car last month, aint got no job, and gave me an STD....but did you see that Baby Phat coat he got me with the matching purse?"

Great...now you have a new outfit to wear to the clinic...or to domestic court...

7. And brothers....I'mma throw yall in here as well, why is it that at Xmas you expect gifts from the same kids you been denying all year long? I mean damn, you aint made it to none of lil mans games, you missed your daughters baptism, and then you showed up late for they birthday party...and you mad cuz they aint get you nothing?

Reality check follows: Just cuz you bought them one pair of shoes and an outfit (shorts and a t-shirt) does not mean you have earned "Dad of the year" status....be happy they lil azzes aint plotting your slow death...

8. How many of yall got all your favorite Xmas movies on tape or DVD, but haven't taken the time out of your so-called busy life to watch them with your kids and pass on the joy and appreciation of the classics...or for that matter, read the actual books to your kids?

Lil tip for you: The kids you spend time with today are less likely to be the adults they lock up later in life...so go ahead and pull out "A Fat Albert Christmas" or "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (I don't discriminate..), it might save the state money later on...

9. Have you sat and explained the real reason for the season to your kids? Or to yourself???

I mean I like all the lights and decorations and parties as much as the next person, but haven't we kinda forgot about the non-commercial aspects of the season? I know it's kinda hard when thanks to the stores when I get my 4th of July fireworks there's Xmas stuff being put up in the next aisle. Pretty soon I swear congress is gonna rename the 4th season from "Winter" to "Christmas".

"When you graduating Billy?"

"In the Christmas semester..."

Nope....shyt don't even sound right.....

10. Ever wanna just punch the ever-loving lights outta that one person who just HAS to rub it in about the MARVELOUS gift they got, when they know you didn't get anything close to it? Can we lobby Congress to pass a "mercy killing" law for the 10 days past Christmas for these special kind of sonofabytches?

"Hey Carol..what did you get for Christmas?"

"Hey Betty, I got these new shoes...and a leather coat"

"I see, very nice.....did I tell you Marcus got me the Hope diamond, a full length chinchilla fur, and two midgets to put it on me in the morning?"

Now see.....that's justifiable homicide....or maybe thats just me....

Aight....I'm done for now....back soon cuz I know someone is gonna go ahead and do something ugly in the name of the season like ....give me a %&$^* fruitcake or something....and I'mma snap the *&$W% out. I swear some folks just make me wanna take prozac covered valium with a Hennessy chaser.

So until then.....these are the rantings of a disallusioned broke brother on the edge.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS....or whatever the #%#& you want to say...

The Return of the Mystic 8 Ball

2008-04-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

Ok....I know some of yall remember that Magic 8 Ball that you shook up and it would give you answers to whatever question you asked it. I decided to go one step further and give some of my own answers to the questions yall think but never ask...and like the 8 Ball, take em with a grain of salt ( or a shot of Hennessy...your choice ).

1. Yes. she can see you're holding in your gut playa, just exhale...

2. No, its not ok to wipe it on the underside of the couch cushion

3. No, your cooking will never be better than his mommas....so don't even ask

4. Yes, the Kool-aid needs more sugar

5. Yes, her father knows EXACTLY what you want to do to his daughter

6. Yes, his mother knows EXACTLY what you've already done to her son

7. No, it will not work if you buy her kids all the toys you can...they still wont go to bed early

8. Yes, they heard you and their momma last night

9. No, the words "drinking", "ex-boyfriend/girlfriend", and the phrase "slept over" should never be used in the same sentence

10. No, what happens on vacation with your boys will not stay on vacation with your boys....get the film out of the camera

11. Yes, what happens in the islands with your girls will stay in the islands with your girls

12. No, you REALLY don't wanna know if you're the best he/she ever had

13. Yes, everyone is looking at your butt

14. No, you shouldn't wear that pair of underwear again today because yesterday you "just sat around the house".

15. Yes, she did that freaky thing with her tongue with someone before you...get over it

16. No, you don't look cute with your daughters clothes on.

17. Yes, your pet is thinking of how to kill you when you stop being useful

18. No, that wasn't the cutest thing your kid just did..please clean it up

19. Yes, your stylist is talking about you as soon as you leave the shop

20. Yes, one of your boys is thinking about sexxing your girl...probably right now

21. No, all of your friends DON'T think you deserve the good man you have

22. Yes, if you do it....she will find out

23. No, you didn't need to add those rims to that Benz....sometimes less is more

24. Yes, you do look ridiculous doing that dance....please stop..

25. No, its not as good as you think

26. Yes, someone is reading this and thinking about you right now...

Peace, and remember..ITS JUST JOKES MANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sick and Tired...the Ranters Remix

2008-04-25T01:44:00.000-07:00

On one of my work excursions of seeing how long I can surf the web and not do a damn thing, I came across some scenes of Def Poetry featuring a dude named Shihan. His poem entitled "Sick and Tired" motivated me to do my own, so without further ado:

Sick and Tired "The Ranters Remix".....

I'm sick of watching the news in the morning and seeing the newscasters bright and smiling at 5 in the morning...
I'm sick of newscasters trying to convince me I should care about their "human interest" stories that early in the day...( Who gives a @#&* that the dog can ride a unicycle blindfolded?what's the traffic like!?!?!?!?! )
I'm sick of myself for turning the channel to another newscast and thinking the news will be different...
I'm sick of parents driving their kid half a block to the bus stop and waiting for them when their kid is damn near in high school...( And you wonder why Lil Sasquatch is overweight, make they lil azz @%$#@% WALK sometime!!! )
I'm sick of school buses that make me late waiting for that last kid to come down and get on the bus...
I'm sick of that lil bastard having the nerve to just walk like he don't know he's late and holding everyone up...
I'm sick of my locs not loc'ing yet in the back and making me look like I have a shag carpet on the base of my neck...
I'm sick of doctors not being happy till they convince you more is wrong with you than what you thought when you went to see him...
I'm sick of the fact that they all smile like hearing you got 2 days to live is gonna be easier cuz they're smiling...
I'm sick of "Glamour Shot" pictures on websites from both men and women...
I'm sick of dudes thinking it's cool to take pictures in front of cars that aint yours...
I'm sick of folks wearing sandals with jacked up feet and toes... ( Why do you go out with feet that look like you just got through kickboxing a brick wall? )
I'm sick of black mens magazines trying to convince me that the ugly shyt in their fashion section is hot when it's just plain ugly...( Didn't flooded pants go out with Michael Jackson??? )
I'm sick of co-workers asking you what you did over the weekend just so they can top it... ( "You worked in the garden? That's nice, I was in France." )
I'm sick of Reality Shows that don't show Reality...( Try doing "Will the Rent check Clear before the Light Bill" Now THAT is some reality tv right there...)
I'm sick of celebrities being famous for just being famous...( When WAS the last time Vivica did any acting, and she still gets invites to stuff???? )
I'm sick of Hip Hop being dead and folks acting like it's not... ( Karl Rove was RAPPING!!!!! Why isn't anyone offended at that????? )
I'm sick of kids knowing more about what's on BET and MTV than what is going on in the world around them...
I'm sick of my doctor telling me Vicodin and Jack Daniels shouldn't be mixed with fruit cocktail...
I'm sick of having to decide whether to eat dinner or get gas for my car...
I'm sick of MySpace and YouTube making complete idiots overnight celebrities...
I'm sick of people thinking videos still matter in the music business...
I'm sick of myself for still watching them as if the song sounds different now that I can see Beyonce singing it...
I'm sick of people who keep their Bluetooth earpiece in when taking a picture...
I'm sick of grown azz folks still taking pictures in the club in front of those cheap azz fukkin paint backgrounds...
I'm sick of these same over 40 azz folks posting these pictures on their web pages like it's cute... (You got the same background from the same club as your child when they went out, that's a sign to wrap it up for real )
I'm sick of dudes STILL thinking that pimping is in...
I'm sick of women still trying to dress like their daughters, all the time...
I'm sick of parents bringing a toddler to a midnight movie...
I'm sick of folks taking pride in not knowing something outside their neighborhood...
I'm sick of big azz folks driving little azz cars...
I'm sick of ex's calling at 2 in the morning asking dumb shyt...
I'm sick of people that aren't doing nothing with their lives wanting to tear down your dreams...
I'm sick of cupcakes not coming 3 to a pack...
I'm sick of selling weed being illegal...( At least then the unemployment rate would go down )
I'm sick of there being more money in researching a disease than finding a cure for it...
I'm sick of folks that got problems acting like they don't...
I'm sick of myself for not finishing my book yet...

Ok, for real I'm done...it's almost time to go to my new job as a taste tester for flavorless Skittles. Be easy, and if you can't do that....then care less.